It was a daily thing for me, crying in my quiet moments of tranquillity, usually in the shower. I’d always pick myself back up again by recounting all the things that I’m thankful for. My son is alive despite the prognosis, he can hear even though we were told he was deaf. But, it still hurt, it still grieved me that he was born without any eyes and with trisomy 13 a life limiting condition.
It was Monday 20th August 2018, ‘Jam Jam’ (as we now call him) and I both had early morning doctors’ appointments. As I walked the 6-minute journey to the doctor’s surgery from our home, I was having one of those daily conversations with God that went something like this…
“Why Lord, why, I get it, he is blind, but you could have given him eyes. I’m thankful to you for all that you’ve done, I’m always thankful; but Lord, you’re a God of miracles. All you have to do is say the word and it will be done. You can speak anything into existence, you said, “let there be light” and there was light, you created the seas and the sky above, you turned water into wine, you even raised the dead. So, can you just say the word and give Jermiah eyes, please Lord. Just say it. Just say, “Let Jermiah-Lee have eyes” and it will be done Lord. I know you can do it.”
Tears were streaming down my cheeks. This was a regular occurrence. Only this time I pleaded with God to just say it, to say ‘Let Jermiah-Lee have eyes’.
I composed myself, wiped my eyes and walked into the surgery, back to normal. I booked us in at reception and sat down. I started talking and playing with Jam Jam and before I knew it his name had been called for his appointment. We went in and spoke to the doctor about his continuous eye infections; which always puzzled me; considering he didn’t have any eyes. After Jam Jam’s appointment we went back into the waiting room for my appointment with a different doctor.
Jam Jam was in his pushchair babbling away as we played and talked. Suddenly, he started to stretch his left eye lid and open it. My son; in his 7 months of being with us; had NEVER opened his eyes before that moment.
As he was doing so, I saw what looked like a shiny black marble glistening. My heart started to pace, and hundreds of thoughts precipitated my mind.
Did I imagine what I had just seen? Did I actually see an eye? Was it the reflection from something nearby? How could this be? Am I going crazy in my desperation? Could this actually be a miracle? Did God actually decide to speak and let Jermiah-Lee have eyes? Could this really be happening? What on earth is going on? My thoughts were numerous, and I kept staring, talking to Jam Jam and encouraging him to do it again.
Again, he stretched his left eyelids apart and it was clear as his bright red pushchair for me to see that he had an eye. An eye! I started shouting, “that’s an eye, it’s an eye, he’s got an eye. They said he didn’t have eyes, but that’s eye”.
At that point Jam Jam’s doctor who we had just seen came out to greet another patient. I grabbed him and beaconed with him to look. I’m sure that what I was saying was incomprehensible, my words and thoughts were all over the place, he tapped me on the shoulder as if to say “there, there, it’s okay”. He clearly disbelieved me or didn’t know how to respond. So, I started to speak to the patient he had called and explained. “They said he had no eyes; can you see it? Can you see it, there, that’s an eye!”
She was an elderly black Caribbean lady, her speech was fairly slow, and she said she could see it, she looked in amazement as I explained to her that I was told my son had no eyes and that I’d been praying for a miracle. She then started saying ‘that in Jesus name he would also open his second eye and be able to see’.
I honestly cannot express my mental and emotional state at that time, it was all too surreal. For 7 months; 3 days since my son was born; I believed he didn’t have any eyes. For 7 months his eyelids had remained closed apart from the two occasions he was examined by ophthalmologists. I had never seen what lay beneath his eyelids, I wasn’t present at his first eye examination; this was conducted without our consent and without us being present. The second examination was very difficult and although they managed to open his lids, it was all very quick and the ophthalmologist, based on her limited physical examination concluded that she didn’t detect any eye tissue at all either.
I was shaking with excitement, confusion and total elation. I knew that I had pleaded with God just moments before to say “let Jermiah-Lee” have eyes. I rationally concluded that God in his grace decided to answer the prayer of a desperate mother and bless my son with eyes. There was and still is no other explanation.
Everyone including the medical professionals who have access to my sons’ medical files has been in disbelief or confusion. They have the ability to go back, check and confirm the diagnosis for themselves. They can clarify and testify to the original findings. All the research I did stated that if you are born without eyes, they cannot grow after birth. But those of us born with eyes will in fact experience some eye growth after birth.
The ophthalmologist who did Jermiah-Lee’s first examination at 3 days old spoke to me with confidence in his findings. He stated that “no eye tissue was present, there was no optic, nerve, no eyeball, nothing.” It was just an empty space beneath his eyelids. He explained that Jermiah’s experience was like ‘nothingness’, but the good thing is that because he had never seen before it would be all he ever knew.
Every single day this challenged me, every day, I’d close my eyes and try to see ‘nothingness’. Every day I tried to put myself in myself in my sons’ shoes and make sense of his sensory experience.
August the 20th 2018 was one of the greatest moments of joy I can ever recall. It was the moment God bought forth a miracle that was deemed impossible. It was making the impossible possible, a modern-day miracle. I’ll reiterate, I have no other plausible explanation, neither has anyone in the medical profession been able to offer one. I haven’t called the two ophthalmologists’ findings into disrepute, they were two professionals working at different institutions who could not have in any way come together to fabricate or purposefully misdiagnose my son. They conduct eye examinations routinely and would know what an empty eye socket looks like.
My son, Jermiah-Lee Moses Marvel Pascall was the recipient of a miracle. If you have read any of my other blog posts, you will be very aware that Jermiah’s life has been a living testimony before he was ever born. Through his struggles my faith has been restored, I look at my son and I see God. The evidence that God is gracious and merciful. The evidence that when you step out in faith and trust Him, He will take you through your situation giving you the strength no matter what the outcome.
Jam Jam had a scheduled surgical procedure for socket expanders booked for the 17th of September 2018, we cancelled this appointment. We no longer think that prosthetic eyes is the correct pathway for our son. We believe that God has given him eyes and those little eyes of his WILL SEE.
On the 25th of September 2018 Jermiah-Lee had an appointment for an electro diagnostic eye test, this test would determine what vision he currently has by measuring the amount of electrical activity received by his retina and optic nerve. This was conducted by using a bright flashing torch directly in front of Jermiah-Lee in a very dark room. The test lasted approximately 20 minutes. Electrodes were attached to the back of Jam Jam’s head and the information was then transferred to a computer. Thankfully, it didn’t require for his eyes to be open as he rarely opened them.
The results came back very quickly, and the ophthalmologist reported back that Jermiah-Lee was only able to visually detect the difference between night and day, light and dark. no shadows, images or figures. We were told to give him lots of visual stimulation as this would help to improve his vision. In short, if you do not use your eyes then your vision will regress but if you use them and exercise them; your vision can be improved. For me, this was fabulous news. I had gone from believing my son had no visual perception whatsoever to know having confirmation that he has eyes and can also see the difference between day and night, that’s some visual perception.
Today, a few weeks on from that appointment, Jermiah-Lee has been opening his eyes every day, his pupils have gone from moving rapidly from left to right to now being fixed and more controlled. When we show him bright coloured lights in a dark room he smiles. I believe with all my heart that he can see and the more visual stimulation we can offer him is the greater chance he will have at being able to see his mother’s face. There is nothing in my heart that makes me believe my son cannot see. We have everything to fight for, everything to keep praying for and the faith in Jesus Christ to know that another miracle is on its way.
Jermiah-Lee is booked in for a repeat electro diagnostic test in October 2019, I cannot wait to see the results of the test. I look forward to testifying of how God has transformed his vision.
If you have a miracle story or know someone or have heard about someone With a similar story, please do get in touch. The more positive stories I hear is the more I’m further encouraged that we serve a mighty and wonderful God.